Q: I am always tense because I can’t decide what to do – I focus on what can go wrong and then I feel paralyzed and anxious about it.


This is part of the bigger problem of negative self-talk.

The expectation is that things may go wrong. There are many causes for this. The fundamental cause is fear and lack of trust in life. As a result we feel the need to control every outcome. Change is seen as dangerous and upsetting. It is to be avoided at all cost. The mind is hyper vigilant, trying to keep tabs of everything and anything. As a result, there is little energy left to do much else.

Some solutions:

1. Learn ways to postpone your negative expectations. Replace anxious thoughts with, “Does this really matter? I can wait a bit and see”. Or ,” Something better may come up instead of what I had planned”  Or, “I will pause and see how I feel about doing this a bit later.” Try to give yourself a little bit of time and space to be more objective about the problem.

2. Check in with yourself. Do you really want this? Many times tension about future events masks a lack of desire to do something. We confuse the feelings.  The anxiety is actually a sign that we are not aligned with our real needs or desires.

3. Learn the language of your intuition. Tension may be a sign that you are not aligned with the broad flow of our life at that moment. Your mind tells you to go with your PLAN, your gut is telling you not do do so…and it will be right.

Example: you planned to bake a cake, but can’t seem to get around to it, so you are now anxious. Instead of pushing forward with your plan drop the baking for now, do something you like instead – like surfing the net or doing your nails or getting a nap. You will feel resistance and doubt, but give it a try. You may find that after doing your nails, a knock comes on the door and a visitor comes and brings a coffee cake.

Your learning curve is to discover how your intuition speaks, its language. So that you can TRUST your intuition. Your intuition knows things your mind has not learned yet. The mind processes data and sensory information. Intuition is linked to a broad field of information, like invisible sensors spread far and wide and picking up on REAL DATA and not just the superficial and deceptive physical feedback your mind gets.

All forms of anxiety come from our thinking, when we are not grounded in reality.

Learn to be in present time. Learn to interpret the messages of your inner knowing. Rely on your mind only to carry out decisions made on the basis of intuition and rational observation. The result will be a calm and solid inner experience and a magical unfolding of life – each event at the right time, no unnecessary tasks, lots of room for feeling and creating from your own heart.

Continue Reading: Q&A: Anticipatory Anxiety »